I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
