yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We are all done wearing pants today
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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