It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
