Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
