if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
