I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I came so hard my ears popped.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
