im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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