worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
