he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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