sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
