I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
