Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
