How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
