Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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