I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize