absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
