I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
