Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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