I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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