This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I understand Curling. That high.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm sobbing to NWA
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
