i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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