I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
