Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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