Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
