omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
