i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
