guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize