He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
