Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
