I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
