bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
