Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
