She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
My ATM looks so different sober.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
