She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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