After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
