I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
