My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
