Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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