Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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