I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
