I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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