So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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