Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
