I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
