exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
