**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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