You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
