I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize