He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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