dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
