after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
