I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
