it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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