I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You were trust falling into bushes
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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