I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
