Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize