Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Randomize
