dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
