My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
