I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
