just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
They took my balls.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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