Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
