I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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