i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
