I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
...so i touched it.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
