so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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